The Bereny Bugle

Headlines || Archive Index || Letters || Funny Page || Horoscope || Quiz || About the Bugle || Search || Madhouse

- Archive Page Nineteen -

CORRUPTION ALLEGATIONS IN RED MOUNTAIN KEEP

Dateline: 2-3-516

Our recent article detailing High Priest Morgut's concern over Red Mountain Keep set this reporter to investigate the ongoing issue of corruption in that well-known dungeon courtyard. While most of the Six-fearing citizens of Bereny rank Red Mountain as slightly above the Daemonrift for good government, is it really the case?

Johnny Sevenlimes, Guard Commander for the dungeon courtyard, emphatically disagrees. "Considering the gangs and monsters that constantly threaten RMK, I would say we are doing a remarkable job. The guard here is horribly underfunded and yet we keep fighting for the adventurers that base themselves here."

However, this reporter noted a steady flow of funds collected with each wagon of goods entering RMK. A merchant we spoke with made things clear. "First you pay the Royal Tax, then the guard demands a second tax for having a drunken soldier sit on your wagon the fifty yards between the courtyard stair and the warehouse. Half the time then you have to pay a third time as an inspection fee. Ha! Only thing they ever inspect is the whisky."

Gold wasn't the only thing collected, however. It was discovered that a number of young women visit the Guard Fortress each night. This reporter tracked the elf maidens as a Guard detail escorted them during the evening from the Rose and Thorns, an infamous House of Ill Repute, and then back at first light. Ms. Tanandra, the proprietress of the Rose and Thorns, who is well known for discretion among her clients, refused to comment.

This reporter has further leads and will continue to investigate.


WHITE TOWER KNIGHT RETURNS FROM THE DEAD SEVEN TIMES  

Dateline: 12-3-516

In an unprecedented sequence of events a Knight of the White Tower is said to have returned from the dead not once, but seven times, through the use of the magical spell known as 'Second Wind'.

The person who experienced this extra-ordinary brush with death is Tower Knight of the Shield Dame Myrna el Chyreon, a member of the Tower's Brown Codex. The Brown Codex are the Guild's information gatherers and explorers, but it is safe to say that Dame Myrna has now explored beyond the normal call of duty.

Dame Myrna was at the time leading a Tower mission to explore the lower reaches of the Torlian Catacombs and ferret out its secrets, specifically to investigate the identity of the mysterious 'Lords of the Catacombs' who are said to have built them, and whether they pose a threat to Bereny.

While exploring a warren of pipes filled with the mysterious stuff known as 'goo', Dame Myrna and her comrades came under concerted attack by a large number of Goo Elementals and Aqueous Homonculi. The group decided to retreat to the relative safety of a nearby shrine, but encumbered by her armour in the confines of the pipes, Dame Myrna fell behind and found herself the focus of the monsters' malice. Battered by the massive strength of the homunculi and poisoned by the toxic clouds exhaled by the goo creatures, she succumbed to a blow from a massive rock hurled by one of the entities.

Fortunately for her, her comrades had seen her plight and contacted the Tower's White Codex to request assistance. Using their magical abilities they were able, despite being far distant from Torlia, to bring to bear powerful magical spells that artificially boosted Dame Myrna's life force and brought her back from the very brink of death. However no sooner was she returned to life, then the homonculi beat her to death again.

Dame Myrna was subsequently slain a total of seven times. A rota of mages from the White Codex artificially sustained her life, but each time they returned her to life she was almost immediately struck down again. Eventually Tower Knight Sir Magnus Shrike arrived on the scene to rescue her. Sir Magnus struck down all five homunculi that were gathered round Dame Myrna, and carried his fellow knight to safety. The White Tower has awarded him the title of Knight of the Sword in their Green Codex in recognition of his bravery and strength of arms.

Dame Myrna is now reported to be wondering whether she has set a new Berenian record for 'most times died and revived by magic'.


IS THE ROYAL ARMY INADEQUATELY EQUIPPED?

Dateline: 14-3-516

Soldiers from the Royal Army have claimed that they are inadequately equipped to deal with the challenge of suppressing the d'Agrillac insurrection in Western Moonward.

"The Regent is telling us to go and throw Baron d'Agrillac off the Falcone estate, but he has all those well-equipped, battle-hardened troops up there. I mean, look what they did to the Derries and their dwarves," a Royal Army soldier from the 1st Torlian Archers told our reporter. "And we are supposed to face them with the kit we get given?"

"The standard of the equipment we have is a joke," said another squaddie. "I mean, we ain't even got any proper army boots. And as for those magic blue army cloaks that are supposed to be reserved for the army, you're more likely to see a farmer wearing one than a soldier, despite all that guff about people being outlawed for wearing them. I mean, when did you last hear of anyone actually being outlawed for wearing one, right? Never, that's when! And when did you last see an actual soldier wearing one?"

However Royal Army command sources categorically rejected the allegations. "Our troops are all well-armed and well-equipped," said a spokesman for General McMahon. “Besides, what determines the strength of our army isn't what sort of swords they carry, but their fighting spirit and their love of their country. Our boys had what it takes to kick the backsides of King Slime's goblin hordes, and they'll do the same for the minions of this traitor."  


NEW ADMINISTRATOR FOR ITOBA

Dateline: 15-3-516

The Independent Traders of Bereny Association, more commonly known by its acronym ITOBA, has appointed a new Chief Administrator, Mistress Issella Ubiya.

ITOBA, which is open to any in Bereny who hold a Trader’s licence, is an informal support organisation for Bereny’s traders. It was originally set up by the deTorfane Foundation after the demise of the Bereny Merchants’ Consortium, and until recently its Administrator was the flamboyant Master Garrick deTorfane. Indeed, some commentators thought that deTorfane used ITOBA to set himself up in direct challenge to the Royal High Trader, the person appointed by the Crown to represent the Merchant community. On occasion Master deTorfane was known to have styled himself ‘True High Merchant’. At that time the Royal High Trader was The Raven, now the Duke of Poldoon, and it remains to be seen how Mistress Ubiya’s relations with the Raven’s successor, Master Kirkham Brent, will develop.

A statement from the deTorfane Foundation has announced that Master deTorfane has turned over the day to day administration of the Association to Mistress Ubiya because he is ‘busy with other business ventures’, and makes no mention of the rumours that he has gone into hiding after having received death threats from a mysterious society of assassins from Kyr. Interestingly Mistress Ubiya is also rumoured to have business interests in Kyr and is said to be keen to re-open trade links with the Empire.

The Bugle hopes to bring you an interview with Mistress Ubiya in a forthcoming issue.


RESCUE MISSION FINDS ENTRANCE TO CALDOR

Dateline: 22-3-516

Reports have reached the offices of the Bugle that the first scouts have arrived at the entrance of the fallen dwarven Fortress of Caldor. The White Tower have organised the rescue mission to Caldor after Dwarven refugees arriving in the surface world and at White Tower Island reported that the city had fallen to an unidentified foe. One of the mission’s primary goals is to find the Dwarven King, one of Bereny's greatest allies, should he still be alive in the depths of his city.

We approached the White Tower authorities for comments and received the following brief response; "We are not in the business of releasing detailed information about ongoing missions but can confirm that Knights and allies appear to have discovered the main gates of the settlement and are in the process of forcing an entry in advance of more significant forces arriving"

Not satisfied with these meagre words we have sought information from alternative sources and have gleaned the following. The entrance seems to be some distance south of the White Tower Island Settlement and be linked by road to a series of traders just to the east. Goblin Units are swarming the surface nearby (though whether this is linked to the fall of the Fortress is far from clear) and many of the adventurers who first flocked to the region have been slain before they could even buy decent equipment or supplies.

However at least two individuals have made it into Fortress and have reported that they find themselves in a huge entrance hall. One of them has described the entrance chamber as being of massive stone construction, built to the highest Dwarven standards and in excellent condition, and clearly designed with defence in mind. However there is no sign of any of the city’s Dwarven inhabitants and the entry’s seemingly impregnable fortifications stand undefended.

And so the mystery of who is behind the attack on Caldor remains unanswered. Is this also the work of the Goblin alliance, or is there some other force at work? We await further news with some interest.

<< Previous Archive Page                               Back to Archive Index                                 Next Archive Page >>

<< Previous Archive Page                                                                                          Next Archive Page >>